Shut The Exit

Tenderness, both as a kiss between lips

And a rap against the flesh

I find my mind swarming with thoughts

As to which form I could withstand the best

How long can I withstand this standing ache

As I peel back the layers that lie beneath

What I try to acknowledge as myself

As a noose decorates me like a wreath

For this noose is not mine

Nor is it something of my making

My love, once held so dear

You are the one, deeply in pleasure, taking

Life, once pure and untainted

My gasping breaths carry my essence

Slowly drowned within yours

I cannot seem to escape your presence

Our glass, once holding great passions

Has now turned a sour note

I struggle to meet your fancies

And gasp as I try to float

The room in which we reside

As I lay down, turning to my side

I feel your touch, unable to hide

As you grasp at me and I swallow my pride

Sinking deeper into this pool of poison

Feeling myself sinking deep

I wonder if I had been chosen

To be just another soul to reap

“Am I your true love?” I mutter

Unable to find an answer

I shudder as I stutter

“Or, am I just another lover?”

Your heart beat feels distant

While I remain beneath these sheets, smothered

“Am I good enough for you?”

I mutter again, my mind remaining cluttered

Your voice, once smooth as butter

Once capable of making my heart flutter

Now reminds me of my fears, my doubts

And frightens me more than I could utter

“Do you love me?” I ask again

Hoping to avoid another reprimand

“What is my crime?  My transgression?”

I know not how much more I can withstand

“What have I done to deserve this?”

“What is my latest blunder?”

It always seemed like my love, my life

Was something for them to plunder

I keep making excuses

I feel so worthless, so useless

While the one I used to love

Punishes me, you are truly ruthless. 

Your fangs sink deep into me

Piercing my veins, hard and scathing

Soaked in my own blood, bathing

Crying to myself as I hear your ranting, raving

I could not deny that I needed saving

A bottle of spirits could not lift my spirit

My mind and body are full of weakness

I dread our meeting, your next visit

I tremble at your feat through the bleakness

I was struck again, as the hour struck ten

A door opened to the room with light at the end

A new page in our story had been written

I was unsure if this was something I could pretend

Why would someone like me deserve this?

Why would I endure so much pain for so little bliss?

I gazed out at the exit, wondering if it would last

How could I forgive myself of my past?

I was not the best partner

I could not have been softer

I should have worked so much harder

I should have taken us farther

I am not deserving to be free

I am deserving of this hell some more

I am a product of this poison

You must close the door

I deserve to stay here

Left to endure this pain

Perhaps one day, I shall leave 

When the door opens again