Just Keep Listening

         Welcome one and all, to Deadly Radio!  The only radio station bringing you the most bizarre, strange, exciting things going on in the middle of nowhere!  This is the only broadcasting station from far and wide that brings you sports, weather reports, and incoming news, unlike any other station you've heard before.  And with that, let's dive into some local sports.  The local softball league has been having a rather strong winning streak this season.  After having lost the first game, they made a rather strong comeback and have scored back twelve games in a row.  Our minor league team may have what it takes to move up into the big leagues someday.  And with that, we move on to the weather.

          The weather outside is a scorching 108 degrees Fahrenheit folks, so be sure to stay indoors and stay cool.  The weather has been scorching hot as of recent days.  The weather service advises everyone to either stay indoors and keep the fans on or to make your way down to the pools.  This concludes the weather.  Up next on our scheduled list is local news.

           The town mayor has declared a state of emergency with the incoming heat wave.  She says that even though the sun has not been in several weeks, people must stay indoors.  The risk of heat stroke is at an all time high declares local town doctor.  Everyone in our small quaint town must heed these warnings if they wish to remain alive and at peace.  Another news story was of local boy Tommy who saved a stray dog from being hit by a truck.  Good ol' Tommy, always looking out for stray dogs in the middle of nowhere.  The mayor now says that the sun will never return and that the temperature will likely only increase.  Ah well, this still won't stop our quaint little town in the middle of nowhere from living a peaceful existence.  With that out of the way, let's go to a word from our sponsor.

            "Do you often feel like you can never make any decisions in your life, like everything around just seems to have stopped?  Do you feel like you could reach out to something that is there, but it won't move?  Do you feel like everyone has left you to talk to a brick wall? Limbo.  Do you feel like your hand is stuck inside a jar and you can't remove the item you desire, and are stuck? Limbo.  Do you feel that you are stuck between two people arguing on a train as you hope to not come home to a stalemate debate with your wife? Limbo.  Do you feel like people try to pull you one way or the other, but can never sway you to their side? Limbo.  Do you feel like your a gigantic rope, being tugged one way or the other, but no one can pull you across the line and cause the opposing team to fall hopelessly into a pile of mud and animal waste? Limbo. Do you feel like you have died, but can't see whether you were not placed either in heaven or hell?  Do you feel like there is nowhere else to turn, and you are left to exist in a sea of nothingness?  Do you feel like your existential being has been put into a hole you cannot escape from and will remain there and not be able to escape from?  Do you feel like you cannot make a decision that will mean the life of someone else? Limbo!"  This has been a special message from Mcdickies, please come and give us your money already.

           We love our sponsor so much.  Thank you for that lovely message, Mcdickies, and I will be giving my money to you this evening.  The financial reports for the town of nowhere are in, and they are a bit shocking.  In terms of money, our town has seen a massive amount of growth.  We have money!  This is wonderful news.  However, the graph for souls in our town has dropped significantly.  More and more people are beginning to leave.  People leaving is at an all time high for our small town.  This just in, the mayor has just told us that there is nothing to be worried about.  She also left a second message saying that our new guests have been the cause of people leaving, and are nothing to be concerned with.  A third message followed saying that something has gone horribly awry and that immediate trouble is on the horizon for our quaint town.  Since our mayor is making even less sense than usual, let us read out some of the stories our listeners have sent into us.

            Our first story is from Jane Wittenborough, and she as a rather strange story for us today.  "My car broke down in the middle of nowhere today, and a strange man approached me.  He said he could fix my car, but only after he had had a bite to eat.  I obliged and he bit me out of the blue.  After having bitten my neck and swallowing a chunk of my shoulder, he fixed my car and left.  I have no idea what is going on in nowhere nowadays."  The letter was stained with the blood from her encounter.  How wonderful.

            Our second story is from one of the older members of our community, Hubert Flax, who has a rather interesting story for us.  "My dog went missing the other night when my granddaughter went out with the dog for an evening walk.  My daughter returned late that night, covered in blood, some of her own from a slash mark across her torso.  She told me that my dog was eaten by some large beast.  I will never understand the culture of the nowhere."  Thank you very much, Hubert, for your thrilling tale.

            And finally, our last story for tonight is from....um....excuse me for just a moment.  This letter is written by me, but I have no recollection of writing this letter.  My assistant told me that it was an official letter sent to me, so I will keep with Deadly Radio tradition and read out this story as well.  "Deadly.  You're dead.  This may be insane coming from yourself, but you are neither in heaven nor hell. Time has no definition where you are, and the only measure you have of an existence is the stories you receive.  The only way you will avoid a fate worse than this is if you continue to read these stories in the middle of nowhere.  This may be hard to explain, as I am not even sure you will receive this letter, but it is of the utmost importance you continue to read these letters, and that you tell of the horrors outside of your studio.  You must continue reading these tales and tell them beyond limbo for all to hear.  Without someone to take your place, you face hell if you do not read these stories as the teller of travesties.  This role is what you must to avoid hell, and each story will get worse and worse, as well as the conditions of nowhere each day you exist.  But if you continue to read on until someone takes your place, you will find freedom.  The road is long and painful, but if you succeed, you shall be free of this existence, as well as me and everyone else in nowhere.  No matter what, continue presenting the news."

                 This....is a lot to take in everyone.  I never expected to see something like this, or to find an explanation to these weird and strange occurrences to come at my own hands.  But my fate and the fate of everyone has been outlined here, and I promise to hold to it.  No matter what stories we face, or what may occur out in our town of nowhere, I promise you this, I will continue to read these stories for everyone.  My fate is intertwined with yours, and I promise to continue on for everyone's sake. Um...there's....there's a large banging noise coming from beyond my door.  Um...Alex!  Move the bookshelf in front of the door!  Don't move it until that thing is gone!  *sigh* I now know what I must do for our quaint little town.  I will continue giving you the news and continue telling you these stories for as long as I must.  So from both Alex and I down at Deadly Radio, we ask you, or listeners for one small favor.

Just...keep...listening!