The Lies I Tell Myself (Anger)

      Often enough, many of the lies that I try to tell myself are some that I never believe myself.  

I try to delude myself from the horrible experiences that I have had in my past, but I just can't get them out of my mind.  Mr. Keen was a terrible man.  No, Mr. Keen wasn't just a terrible man.  He was a fucking pedophile!  He prayed on young women like me and referred to them as his children.  I found an old photo binder of his original family and realized that there was no resemblance between him and his so-called "daughter" who had died a few years prior.  Apparently that bastard had been kidnapping women even before the bombs were let loose.  Why do I have to deal with all of these fucking assholes!  Oh well!  At least I made it safely back to Dallas.  My only concern is how the hell I'm supposed to make it past all of these damn zombies!  Why did the apocalypse have to start now?! Of all the times in my life, I was supposed to be having fun, to be meeting friends, to be discovering who I really am, not avoiding having some brain-dead stranger biting my throat out at the nearest rest stop!

        Maybe I deserve this for that one time Lenny's friend Alex and I made out when I was drunk, but that was before Lenny and I were a thing!  I mean, it's not technically cheating unless you made out with another person when you clearly have a steady boyfriend.  I feel that I'm being too hard on myself, and as it is, I can't seem to get Lenny or the others out of my head.  It's not like I ever really liked any of Lenny's friends, but the companionship would have been great right about now.  I often felt lonely at times, even with all of Lenny's friends, since none of them ever paid me the time of day or treated me like a real person at times.  Lenny's friend in truth were complete assholes, and the most rotten kind of them all.  All they ever talked about was the band and how they were gonna make so much money off of all of their records that they were gonna record in a shitty deal with Warner.  I never liked them, but I at least respected them for their guitar play.

         All of these thoughts ran through my head as I maneuvered my way through Dallas, hoping to find some remnants of civilization.  I hoped in my mind that I wouldn't end up seeing any of them, but I knew deep down that Lenny knew where I was and was likely already in Dallas too.  I made my way down one of the many access roads here, slowly avoiding any broken down cars or broken building fragments that lined up the desolate road.  For a long while, I had assumed that nearly everyone was dead, but then I saw him!  That bastard and his friends were driving their old van around one of the intersections, and they came to a stop when they saw my car coming.  They all got out and started to wave their arms at me, asking me for my help.  After what those jerks had done to me, I decided to leave them there.  

          But as they began to wave to me, down on the main intersection, I saw it, an unholy horde of those monstrosities was running and shambling towards them.  I had a gut feeling deep down that I should try to go down there and help them, but I kept on driving.  I saw them begin to run and run as quickly as they could down the road.  I don't know what came over me then, but I began to laugh at them and pulled down my window and pointed at them as they helplessly ran and screamed for help.  After about thirty seconds of this, Lenny looked up at me laughing my ass off at them running for their lives and was left in shock.  I won't be able to forget the look of shock and terror that rested on his face as I laughed at him.  His friends began to tug at him and urge him on as they ran towards another intersection.  However, little did they know, those next few steps they took forward would be their last.  From down the road, a flipped bus tumbled towards them at full speed, flattening all of the boys under its weight.  I wanted to stop in my tracks, but I just continued to laugh at them.  I continued to do this and nearly passed by seeing it, but there was no way I could ignore this....this thing!  A monstrosity so heinous that I could barely describe it here without upchucking had thrown a bus at Lenny and his friends.  A massive mutated mass that should have been a zombie, but resembled something completely foreign had tossed the bus as if it were a toy at them, and began to charge towards their flattened masses.  

          Once I saw that monstrosity, I made the car stop, and I looked down at the from the edge of the car barrier as I saw the beast run towards them and begin to lift up two of Lenny's friends off of the ground.  I saw it pick up Alex first, his limp body being hoisted above the thing's head and dropped into its gaping maw.  The thing chewed twice to help to make Alex's body go down easier.  It next lifted Mason above its head in the same fashion, only this time, Mason awoke.  He began to freak out, scream, and curse at the thing, demanding that he be "put the fuck down".  His response was met by a swift chomp to his neck by the thing, ending with Mason's head being swallowed by the unholy beast.  The rest of Mason's body followed suit, the monster swallowing Mason's lifeless body.  The beast then picked up Rick, part of his rib cage exposed and dripping blood onto the pavement as the monster lifted his lifeless body up above its maw and dropped Rick's body in.  

           The last person it picked up was Lenny.  Part of me wanted to reach out to him and try to help him, as futile as that would me, the stronger part of me decided to leave his sorry ass there.  Like poor Mason, he woke up and began to scream, but as he was dangling in the same fashion over the beast's mouth, he froze as his eyes caught sight of me on the bridge, staring down at his imminent death.  After freezing in fear and betrayal, he was dropped head-first into the open mouth of the monster, and like the others was quickly chopped up to fit more neatly inside of the beast.  After seeing that there were no other visible carcasses to devour, it began to look up.  I hid from view to avoid being caught until I heard the beast make what I assumed to be a victory cry and heard it race off, likely to go find its next meal.  

           After having just witnessed likely one of the most barbaric deaths I would ever see in my entire life, I got back in my car and decided to try to head north out of Dallas.  My gut, after having wretched it before reentering my car, was telling me that Dallas was too unsafe for me to stay there safely.  I decided to make a quick stop off to pick up some gas canisters from a broken down pickup truck so I would have enough fuel to make it to my next destination; Amarillo, Texas.  I wasn't sure why I needed to head north, but I knew that staying there would mean certain death.  

(Nothing is left for me.  I need to use this anger to keep moving forward.)

End of Anger